


Oreo

by LilyInTheSnow



Series: Cookies [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Did I mention Oreos, F/M, Fluffy as shit, I Don't Even Know, Lots of Oreos, M/M, Nat and Clint setting Bucky up on crappy dates, Oreos, Steve's long ass eyelashes, There's only like a brief mention of Coulson, after midnight cookie runs, but it's still funny, giant towers of baby Oreos, lots of Bucky staring at Steve's ass, slightly cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 03:30:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4731245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyInTheSnow/pseuds/LilyInTheSnow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky finds <strike>Adonis</strike> Steve in the cookie aisle while shopping for Oreos at two in the morning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oreo

**Author's Note:**

> My tag for 'slightly cracky' may be a tad bit misleading as it is kind of a lot cracky, but it's still sweet and stuff so yeah.
> 
> Also I'm not super happy with this, but my sistah insisted I post it because she'd been dying for Oreos since I told her the general idea.

“You’re pathetic, Barnes. Completely and utterly pathetic.” Bucky’s eye twitched as he walked into Satan-Mart at two in the morning while muttering to himself under his breath. It was too damn late or early depending on your hours to be in the store, but he needed Oreos damn it! They were his one vice. His comfort food. And he deserved some after the failure of a date he had ended hours earlier. He had already eaten the entire pack of Mega Stuf Oreos that he’d had at home after his miserable date.

To say his love life was lacking was the biggest understatement of the year. Natasha and Clint kept setting him up on dates and they always ended in failure. This was Bucky’s sixth Oreo trip in as many weeks. He might as well buy stock. At least this date hadn’t been a creepy fucking weirdo like the one before it. That one had been scary as fuck and involved Bucky running for his life down sidewalks and alleyways to get rid of the guy. Some freak that didn’t take Bucky’s “Get the fuck away from me” seriously and had followed him out of the restaurant talking about a house and 2.5 kids and a dog and ugh. No fucking thank you. Not that he had an issue with any of it; he did want all of that, just not with that psycho. Natasha would not be picking out any more dates for him. No fucking way.

Tonight’s date hadn’t been nearly that bad, but still. Bucky didn’t have a clue as to where Clint had dug up the guy for tonight’s date but the older dude, not that Bucky had a problem with him age wise, was too crushed on some big blonde Adonis to even talk about anything else. Bucky had excused himself to the restroom and squirmed out the bathroom window landing on his head in the alley and probably giving himself a concussion in the process. But he’d gotten away from Phil “I’m in love with a Greek statue” Coulson without too many injuries and with all of his body parts relatively intact. He was already missing an arm.

And wasn’t that a fun conversation to have over and over and over again. He’d eventually started all his dates off with “I’m Bucky, I lost my arm during a bad fall, and I have this wicked cool metal prosthetic that I can crush your skull with if I wanted to”. Well, maybe not the skull crushing part, but the rest of it. It made things easier and things were awkward enough that it didn’t seem to matter that he’d brought attention to it before they could ask him what had happened. It got it out of the way and kept him from having to give any long explanations.

“Ugh.” Bucky turned the corner into the cookie aisle and nearly had a heart attack while he wondered if the blonde was the one Phil was crushed on because holy fucking shit Adonis was looking at the cookies. Bucky reached up to wipe at his mouth to make sure he wasn’t drooling as he stared at the blonde. Six feet two inches of heaven with the shoulder to hip ratio of a Dorito with an ass blessed by angels was standing in the cookie aisle starting at the Oreos.

Bucky’s eyes were glued to the guy’s ass and he firmly believed that the hot blonde could probably crack walnuts with it. Bucky was beyond tempted to pull a quarter out of his pocket and see if it bounced off Adonis’ ass. Lord in heaven if Oreos had given him that body then Bucky needed to eat them by the truckload. He was halfway there already. Holy hell the dude was fine. Bucky was seconds away from heart palpitations and felt like he was gonna swoon and how stupid would that be? Of course then the guy might notice him and come to his rescue. But what if he didn’t? Bucky would be laid out on the ground with people stepping over him to get to the cookies. But if he did then maybe Adonis would give Bucky mouth to mouth and ugh . . . he was pathetic. Completely and utterly pathetic.

“Why are you pathetic?”

Bucky flinched when Adonis spoke and fought a blush as he wondered how much of the last few moments he’d spoken out loud instead of in his own head. “Um.” The blonde turned toward him, Oreos in hand, and the thoughts that ran through Bucky’s head had him certain that he was going to Hell. The front was just as perfect as the back. Blue eyes were framed by eyelashes long enough that they probably brushed his cheek when he closed his eyes. Lips that Bucky wanted to nibble and have all over his body were stretched into a half smile. His white t-shirt was like three sizes too small and thank you incorrect sizing because there wasn’t one muscle that he couldn’t see. Adonis was wearing slightly baggy khakis that did nothing to hide what they should have and damn.

Steve smiled at the brunette that was currently gaping like a fish. He was gorgeous as hell and Steve wondered if he had even realized he’d been speaking out loud. Steve had been trying not to laugh and nearly lost it when he heard the brunette mumble something about swooning and cookies and getting mouth to mouth from Adonis and being pathetic.

Steve thought it was adorable the way the brunette was blushing though. His cheeks were tinged pink and almost highlighted his pale blue eyes. At least drew Steve’s eyes there and away from the rest of him. Suddenly being in the cookie aisle at two in the morning didn’t seem so bad. The brunette was six feet of gorgeous with broad shoulders that narrowed down to hips that Steve wanted to wrap his legs around. And the guy’s thighs. Jesus, Steve wanted to be wrapped up in them and was pretty sure the guy could choke someone out with them if he wanted. Or crush Steve with them. Hell, he might even volunteer to let the brunette try just so he could say he’d been between those thighs.

Being lonely and wanting Oreos at two in the morning definitely didn’t seem so pathetic now that there was someone else in relatively the same boat. Of course Steve had managed to at least have real clothes on instead of a black hoodie, threadbare plaid flannel pajama bottoms that didn’t hide anything at all, like the fact that the brunette was obviously going commando, and combat boots that were unlaced. The fact that the clothes Steve was wearing were some he had pulled on from a pile in the floor next to his bed didn’t mean anything.

Who cared what he wore at two in the morning at the stupid store in the cookie aisle. He could be naked and probably no one would care. Of course then he’d be in jail and not get any cookies and milk and . . . well, it wasn’t really any different than being at home. This was the first time he’d managed to drag himself out of the apartment in weeks. He had been busy painting some commissions and working on a new comic he had started with Sam. So he hadn’t had a lot of time for other things. Like living a life that didn’t revolve in a twenty feet circumference around his easel or desk.

That nonliving thing also involved not dating and spending more than a little bit of his time being pathetic and crying into his milk and cookies. And more than a few cold showers, which he was going to have to take another when he got home because holy shit brunette guy was gorgeous and Steve wanted to lay the guy out nude on his bed and cover him from head to toe with Oreos and eat them off of him one by one. Maybe he’d draw him first though.

Someone wheeled a buggy past the aisle and Steve shook himself out of his thoughts and spoke again when he noticed the brunette hadn’t spoken.

“Are you okay?”

Bucky jolted then nodded. “Yeah. Sorry. It’s been a long day.” _I’m sorry I was staring at you like a creeper. I think I just joined Phil in his Adonis fan club._ “Oreos will make it better.”

“That bad?”

“Kinda. Bad date. Guy was hung up on some other dude.” And that was Bucky’s pitifully obvious hint that he was gay and he hoped Adonis was too.

“Ah.”

“Yeah.” Bucky finally walked over to the Oreos and grabbed a package of Mega Stuf and saw the blonde shudder noticeably. “What?” Bucky laughed as he turned toward the guy who was certain to be in his fantasies later.

“Mega Stuf?”

“Best Oreos ever.”

“That much icing will probably kill you.” Steve shuddered again. Who needed that much icing in their cookies?

“Nope. I need them. I have too much blood in my Oreo stream.”

The blonde laughed and Bucky tried not to swoon like a dumbass. God the guy’s laugh was great. His voice was deep and the brunette wondered how much deeper it would get when the guy was aroused. It was totally necessary that he find out. For uh . . . science? Yeah, ok. Fuck science. He needed to hear his voice for future reference when he jacked off after crying into his Oreos.

“What about Double Stuf?”

“Fuck Double Stuf. Not enough icing.”

“Too much icing.” Bucky reached over and picked up another package of the cookies and Steve shuddered. “Definitely too much sugar flavored grease.”

“Nah. I take ‘em apart and put like three of ‘em together.”

“There’s this thing, not sure if you’ve heard of it, but it involves extremely high blood sugar levels and going into comas, you should look it up.”

Bucky laughed at the gorgeous punk and shook his head. “Live a little, man. You’re gonna eat Oreos you might as well eat the good ones.” Bucky rattled the packages of cookies for emphasis and Steve shuddered again.

“No, thanks.” Steve put his pack of blessedly non-extra sugar laden Oreos in his shopping cart, only now realizing he’d been holding them in his hand like a moron for the past ten minutes.

Both of them pretended they didn’t care that they were two grown men debating cookies at two in the morning.

“You’re missing out, man.” Steve tried and failed to hide a grimace and Bucky sighed. “You’re no fun. You’re probably boring and dunk ‘em in milk too. Oh God, you do!” Bucky added when Steve gave him a weak smile. “So gross.”

“How can milk and Oreos be gross? That’s how you’re supposed to eat Oreos. It’s even in the commercials. Used to be anyway.” Steve didn’t really watch a whole lot of TV anymore. He had Netflix and when he wasn’t watching something on Netflix he was painting or drawing for work so TV was kinda pointless.

“Milk is disgusting. It’s all thick and it tastes gross and when it isn’t it’s nasty fake milk that tastes like grass smells and yuck.”

Steve laughed at the horrified expression on Bucky’s face. “They have almond milk and cashew milk now. They’re not bad.”

“They’re not real milk either. And how do they get milk from nuts? Milk comes from cows and goats.”

“Why would you ever drink goat milk?”

“It was a dare when I was a kid. I had a friend who had a baby brother that was allergic to cow’s milk so his Ma gave him goat’s milk. I don’t recommend it.”

Neither of them noticed the fact that they had started walking through the store together. Bucky cradling his Oreos in his arms protectively as Steve pushed his cart to the dairy aisle.

Steve grabbed a half-gallon of whole milk and then another half-gallon of chocolate and Bucky bit his tongue at the look Steve shot him. “If you go on a tangent about chocolate milk I will end you.” Bucky mimed zipping his lips then locking them and throwing away the key just for extra effort and Steve nodded. “Good boy.”

Bucky’s nose crinkled adorably and he giggled before biting his tongue again when Steve raised an eyebrow and forced a stern expression to keep from smiling. God but the brunette was adorable. True to his words, or lack of them, Bucky didn’t say another word as they continued walking through the store. Well, not until he let out a quiet squee at a small bag of tiny Oreos.

“Baby Oreos. I’m so getting these. I’m gonna take them home and make a giant tiny Oreo tower.”

“Scrape all the icing off of them and put it between two of the cookies?”

“Duh.” Bucky grinned at Adonis as they made their way to the only cashier that was actually working. The others were in a small group at the end of an aisle talking and laughing and pretending that they had more important things to do than actually work.

Bucky let Adonis go ahead of him so he could stare at his ass behind his back and grinned lasciviously when Steve leaned down to get his cookies out of the bottom of his shopping cart because it caused his khakis to fucking _mold_ to his ass. Bucky nearly choked when he realized that Adonis was going commando. It would be so easy to just unbutton and unzip them and slide his hands over that perfect ass. His mouth too ‘cause he totally wanted to dig is teeth into that ass. He didn’t even care if he chipped a tooth trying to do it.

He paid for his Oreos on autopilot and only noticed that the blonde had waited on him when he bumped into him. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

They walked out of the store together and Bucky gave Adonis a gentle parting smile then started walking back toward his building. After a few steps he realized he was being followed and stopped walking abruptly enough to have Adonis bump into him. Bucky’s eyes almost rolled up into the back of his head when he felt all those hard muscles up against him. God what he wouldn’t give to smother himself in the blonde.

“Sorry! I’m sorry. I didn’t.”

“It’s okay.” The brunette turned and Steve gave him a crooked smile.

“I’m not following you. I swear. My building’s up this way. Though I mean, I could follow you if you wanted. To . . . to . . . make sure you get home okay?” The brunette laughed at Steve’s awkward attempt at flirting.

“Um . . . it’s just a couple blocks from here. Besides, I got Skull Crusher here if anyone tries to jump me.” Bucky lifted his prosthetic and wiggled his fingers.

“Oh, well, that would certainly do it.” Steve grinned at the brunette’s smile, couldn’t stop himself from doing it. “Are you going to crush my skull if I tell you that my building is a couple blocks from here too?”

“Depends. Which building?”

“The big ugly brown one that looks like it might collapse at any minute.”

“Hmm.” No way in hell Adonis lived in the same building as he did. Bucky should have seen him before and if not, why the hell hadn’t he? Where had the blonde been all of Bucky’s life. He’d have to work on the Oreo thing, but sometimes concessions had to be made. He might let Adonis try to persuade him to try regular Oreos. Maybe even with milk. Blech. “You’re kind of really hot so it’d be horrible of me to crush your skull. You can guard my body while we walk home though.” Bucky grinned at the light blush on the blonde’s face then turned and started walking toward their building.

Steve jogged a few steps to catch up to the brunette after managing to shake his head clear of visions of all the things he’d like to do besides guard his body. Most of them were NC17.

“Which floor do you live on?”

“Three. You?”

“Four. Why have I never seen you before?”

“I don’t get out a whole lot.”

“Why not?”

“I’m an artist, only partially starving. I take commissions and I’ve been working on a comic book lately with a friend. Haven’t really had much time for anything lately.”

“You definitely got time to work out.” Bucky grinned while waggling his eyebrows wildly as he looked the blonde over from head to toe.

“Well,” Steve reached up and rubbed the back of his neck bashfully and Bucky laughed. God but Adonis was adorable when he blushed. Steve didn’t say another word until they reached his floor. It wasn’t awkward at all, but he’d been at a loss for words since the brunette had obviously been checking him out and flirting.

“I guess I’ll see you around?” They were on the landing of the blonde’s floor and Bucky gave him a small smile.

“Yeah. I hope so.”

Neither of them could get the nerve to ask the other out, both certain they would only crash and burn if they tried. Even though they’d been flirting, even though they’d caught one another checking each other out.

“Have fun with your Oreos,” Steve smiled as he said it and the brunette gave him a wicked grin and winked.

“Oh, I plan to.” They both laughed and Steve gave him a parting wave and headed toward his apartment. “Oh hey,” He waited until Steve had turned around before speaking again. “Um if you want to ever swing by if you’re bored or whatever I’m in 4B.”

“Sure, yeah. I’ll uh, I’ll try sometime.” Steve knew he’d probably never try. He’d chalk the whole thing up to being stupid over Oreos and probably never see the brunette again because he was too chicken shit to go see him. “Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Steve turned back and made his way down the hall wishing he had the guts to ask the hottest guy he’d ever seen out on a date. Even if it wound up being another trip to the damned store after fucking Oreos.

Bucky waited until he was sure Adonis wasn’t looking then tiptoed back down the stairs, which wearing boots was not easy especially since the stairs were creaky. He peeked around the corner to watch the blonde and saw him unlocking an apartment five doors down from the landing. Their argument over which Oreos were best and the best way to eat them was still fresh in his mind and he smiled then sat on the steps to wait a few moments. When he was sure the blonde had had enough time to settle he ran to the apartment door, sat a package of Mega Stuf on the floor in front of it, knocked then ran like hell back to the stairs and to his own apartment.

Steve opened his door hoping it was the man of his future fantasies and cold showers even though he hadn’t told him his apartment number and laughed when he saw a package of Mega Stuf sitting right in the doorway.  He picked them up and carried them into his apartment then grinned. If the brunette was going to try to get him to eat the icing laden cookies then Steve could try to get him to eat regular Oreos and milk.

Ten minutes later Steve went upstairs to 4B carrying the half gallon of whole milk and two packages of cookies. The ones that had been dropped off and the package he’d bought at the store. He knocked on the door and smiled when he heard fumbling around and then a crash and thump against the door. The door swung open and Steve bit his bottom lip when he saw the other man wearing only his pajama bottoms and mother of God _that_ was what had been hidden under the hoodie? While the pajama bottoms hadn’t and still didn’t hide anything the hoodie had hidden lean muscle that had Steve’s mouth watering and wishing he could kiss and lick his way down that perfect chest and stomach and yeah, end up between those thighs.

Bucky grinned at the look in Adonis’ eyes. Yeah, his bet to open the door without a shirt had paid off.  Adonis didn’t even seem to notice the bad scarring where his prosthetic met skin. Awesome. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

They only stared at each other for a long moment and Bucky was going to have serious issues hiding a certain problem if he didn’t sit down like three minutes ago.

Steve finally realized he’d been staring and held up the milk and cookies. “I um . . . I have Oreos and a Netflix account.”

Bucky grinned. “You had me at Oreos.”

Steve laughed as the brunette let him into the apartment and led him into the living room. From what Steve could tell the layout was identical to his own. The only furniture in the living room was a leather couch that was well loved, a beat up coffee table, two end tables that didn’t match each other or the coffee table, and an entertainment center with a 42 inch flat screen sitting on top.

“Have a seat, I’ll be right back. There’s a Netflix app on the tv if you can figure it out.”

“Okay.”

By the time Bucky had grabbed glasses for Adonis’ milk and walked back into the living room the blonde had the wifi set up and the Netflix app loading on the TV. “Question.”

“Yeah?”

“How did you know which wifi connection was mine and my password?”

“Oreos Rock?” Adonis gave him a cocky smile that had him blushing. “It’s not hard to guess that your password was Mega Stuf run together.”

“Shut up.”

Adonis laughed and sat on the couch as soon as Bucky sat, long legs brushing against his own as he angled toward him. “Have you seen The Blacklist?”

“Nope.”

“It’s really good. You want to watch it?”

“Sure.”

“Do you maybe also want to try Oreos with milk? Since you obviously wanted me to try the Mega Stuff ones?”

“Eww.” Bucky wrinkled his nose in distaste then motioned toward the two glasses he’d sat on the table. “I figured you’d bring your nasty milk.” Adonis laughed and five minutes of Bucky staring at the boring as hell with not nearly enough icing Oreo and nasty milk he gave in and dunked it. He held it under the milk until it stopped bubbling pretending to bring death to the crappy cookie, then lifted it from the milk. The soggy cookie broke before he got it to his mouth and half of it landed on his lap. He shoved the other half in his mouth with a grimace as he picked up the other half and threw it on the coffee table. Adonis snorted and Bucky swallowed his half of a cookie and giggled. It wasn’t as nasty and he’d thought it would be. Still it wasn’t Mega Stuf.

“I have a question.”

“Yeah?”

“What even is your name? I keep calling you Adonis in my head and I mean, it fits, but still. If we’re going to be sharing Oreos and Netflix I should probably know your name.”

“Oh! Steve. It’s Steve. I’m Steve. Hi.” He grinned with a light blush and held a hand out to Bucky.

“Hi, Steve. I’m Bucky.”

Steve snorted again then shook Bucky’s hand. Had he really not even asked the brunette what his name was or introduced himself? Wow, his mother would be appalled. Not that she wouldn’t be anyways because he’d been out at two in the morning buying cookies and milk, but because he’d been rude and hadn’t introduced himself and then invited himself over and brought cookies and Netflix. Well, technically Bucky had invited him over what with _actually_ inviting him over and then the Oreos he’d dropped at his door, but still.

“Do you want to build a castle out of our Oreos?” Bucky grinned as he asked it and Steve nodded with a laugh. “You have to eat a Mega Stuf first though.”

Steve bit back a whimper as Bucky opened the package and then handed him a cookie. He grimaced as he held the thing with two fingers and stared at the glob of icing. It looked like the icing from three cookies put together. “I can wash it down right?”

“Nope. I ate a cookie with milk, you gotta do without.”

“So cruel.” Steve smirked then did the worst thing possible and shoved the cookie in its entirety into his mouth. He thought it would be better just to eat it all at once and be done with it, but there was no being done with it. The icing stuck to his teeth and the roof of his mouth, he knew it was all in his head, but it tasted cloyingly sweet and he almost gagged. When he finally managed to swallow the cookie he shuddered and pouted at Bucky as he reached for his glass of milk. “Gimme.” Bucky only laughed and shook his head.

“Give it a minute.”

“I can’t. It’s vile. I think I’m dying.”

“You’ll live, Steve. So far as I know no one has died from Oreo poisoning.” Bucky handed the glass of milk to Steve and laughed as the blonde downed half of it in one go. “Oreo castle.” They both started ripping into the blue plastic packages of their favorite cookies as The Blacklist played on the TV. 

***

 Bucky woke feeling groggy as light shone into his eyes, what the hell time was it anyway? and stretched or tried to because something heavy was pinning him down to the couch. He blinked bleary eyes to clear them and looked down to see Adonis, no, Steve laying with his head in Bucky’s lap and arms around his waist. His long eyelashes did brush his fucking cheeks like Bucky thought they would. He was so jealous of those eyelashes. He wanted to feather over Steve’s skin like that. Light feathery touches and kisses. Steve sighed in his sleep, hugging Bucky tighter and the brunette smiled when he saw that there was an Oreo crumb clinging to the corner of Steve’s perfect mouth. Even Oreos couldn’t bear to be away from those lips.

He looked down at himself and laughed silently at his own cookie crumb covered self. He had crumbs and smears stuck to his chest and a few dried globs of what had been cookies that had been dunked in milk and halfway melted in the fingers of his prosthetic. And wasn’t that going to be a bitch to clean. He looked at the coffee table next and shook his head. How the hell had they made that much mess with fucking cookies? The packages were torn all to hell and littered the floor. The clear plastic trays were upended and crumbs were all over the table. The only thing left standing out of the Oreo Castle they had built was half of the giant tower of tiny Oreos. Steve had demolished the other half with a cookie that was flung from a makeshift catapult that had been made out of a spoon and several ink pens that were held together with rubber bands. The half-gallon of milk was mostly empty and Bucky was pretty sure he had wound up drinking his fair share of it and eating the boring regular Stuf cookies.

And Steve had actually eaten a few of the Mega Stuf ones even if he had gagged at the extra icing. He especially gagged when Bucky put the icing from four of them together onto two of the chocolate wafer things and made him eat it without letting him chase it with milk. Sugar high Bucky had thought it was fucking hysterical. Hell he wasn’t even sugar high anymore and he still thought it was fucking hysterical. Poor Steve.

After that Bucky didn’t remember much but curling around each other while watching Netflix. They’d obviously fallen asleep at some point. Now he had no clue what time of day it was, not like it mattered because he didn’t have to work for once, but he wondered if Steve did. He combed a gentle hand through Steve’s hair as he debated waking him then decided not to. He looked beautiful in his sleep, totally relaxed, slightly darker blonde eyelashes sweeping his cheeks, lips held in a gentle smile even while sleeping. He looked younger while he slept. He looked fucking adorable is what he looked. He’d gone from swoon-worthy Adonis to adorable puppy in a matter of hours.

“You’re adorable too, Buck. Go back to sleep. I think I have an Oreo hangover.” Steve wiggled even closer to Bucky than he already was, cheek brushing over the brunette’s thigh as he opened his eyes and turned his head just enough to see Bucky’s face. He had caught him talking out loud again and was trying not to laugh his ass off. Bucky didn’t seem to have a good grip on his brain to mouth filter.

“Um . . . uh . . . what?”

“You said swoon-worthy Adonis to adorable puppy. If either of us is the adorable puppy it’s you. You literally sniffed out an Oreo last night.”

“I did fucking not.”

Steve laughed then sat up and settled himself in Bucky’s lap, arms wrapping around his shoulders. “You did. I dunno how you did it, but you did. I hid it when you went to the kitchen and you walked past where I hid it and sniffed the air like a dog then went straight to it.”

“Whatever. I wasn’t that messed up and it’s not like we were drunk anyway. Sugar high, but not drunk.”

“You did it. I recorded it on my cell.”

“Bullshit.”

Steve only grinned then grabbed his cell phone from the table and swiped through it while Bucky watched apprehensively. He so did not fucking sniff out an Oreo. “Here.” Bucky took the phone and hit play on the video and watched in complete silence and mortification as he walked out of the kitchen and paused mid-step in the living room. He sniffed twice as he raised his nose into the air then headed straight for the mantle of the fake broke down fireplace and grabbed a cookie that had been hidden behind a framed picture of Natasha and Clint from their wedding.

Steve could be heard giggling his tight, gorgeous, ass off while Bucky squeed and happily munched on his cookie. “Wow, I fuckin’ love you.” Bucky heard the video version of Steve speak and blinked shocked eyes at Steve.

Neither of them spoke for a long moment. Both of them unsure what could be said. Bucky was sure that Steve had just said it randomly and didn’t mean it because how could he? and Steve was mortified because while he definitely felt something for Bucky it probably wasn’t love. A level of some kind of affection sure, but not love. He barely knew him. Overdosing each other on Oreos didn’t count.

“Well,” Bucky eventually said, “I did say you had me at Oreos.” He shrugged his shoulders then gave Steve a gentle kiss that the blonde returned and Bucky finally licked away that damned Oreo crumb from the corner of Steve’s mouth. He was pretty sure he’d never tasted anything better.

***

“Come on, James, open up.” Bucky rolled his eyes then opened the door only to be grabbed around the waist by Natasha and hugged within an inch of his life. Clint followed closely and gave him the same hug as soon as Nat let him go.

“About fuckin’ time.”

“I’ve been busy.”

Natasha saw the hot blonde sitting on Bucky’s couch and gave him a gentle smile and wave then grabbed Bucky by the arms and frog marched him into the kitchen. “Where the hell have you been? We’ve been trying to call you.”

“I’ve been busy at work. I don’t have time to play right now.”

“I found you a date, but for some reason I don’t think you need one.” Clint frowned; his plans were obviously wasted because it looked like Barnes already had a date. “Did you buy that one? How much does he charge?”

“No, I didn’t buy him. Jesus.”

Bucky rolled his eyes when Clint made sure he was far enough away from Natasha that she couldn’t kick or punch him and gazed adoringly at Steve from the kitchen. “You sure? Not that I’m complaining or anything because damn, but where did the Greek statue in your living room come from?”

Natasha peeked back into the living room to take another look at the guy her husband was currently crushed on (and who wouldn’t be) then turned and raised a brow at Bucky when he only bit his bottom lip instead of answering. “Where did you get him?”

“I went to get cookies after I ditched Coulson and I found him in the cookie aisle. We talked and he came over with Oreos and kinda never left.” Bucky shrugged his shoulders and grinned sheepishly when Natasha and Clint only stared at him. “What?”

“That was a month ago.”

“He brought Oreos and Netflix, Natasha. I don’t think you understand the seriousness of the situation.”

“Has he moved in permanently? Is this a serious relationship?”

“I’ll say it again. He brought Oreos and Netflix.”

“When’s the wedding,” Clint asked jokingly but Bucky only grinned.

“Three months. It’s gonna be Oreo themed. Our colors are blue and white and we’re gonna have Oreo decorations everywhere and white candles in blue holders and we’re gonna have little Oreo favors and Oreo truffles and our cake is going to be three tiers of chocolate with cookies and cream icing and decorated with baby Oreos. Steve already designed it.”

“Talking about the wedding?” Steve grinned at his fiancé as he walked into the kitchen and he nodded.

“Yup.”

“Wait, you’re really getting married?” Natasha frowned looking the two men over and they both nodded. “No, seriously. You’re really getting married?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you really going to have an Oreo themed wedding?”

“Yes.”

“No.” Clint shook his head. “You can’t have an Oreo themed wedding.”

“You and Natasha had that weird black and purple and red wedding. So you can’t begrudge me my Oreo wedding.” Steve smiled against Bucky’s temple, trying to stifle his laughter.

“You can’t marry someone that just showed up with cookies and never left,” Natasha hissed while glaring at Steve. “And you can’t have a cookie wedding. You have to be serious about it.”

“I am.” He totally wasn’t. The only thing that was remotely true about what he’d told Nat and Clint was that they were really getting married and the cake. He’d let her stew on it though. He knew she’d be pissed off, but it was still funny. She was so anti-Oreo Wedding it was fucking hysterical. She’d never let him live it down, him lying to her and making her believe he would actually have an Oreo themed wedding, but it would be worth it.

Three months and one day later he and Steve found icingless Oreos glued to every available surface of their apartment and glasses of milk covering every inch of floor space and knew that Natasha had done it as payback for letting her freak out over their wedding theme for three months. Bucky was surprised they’d even made it that long. Usually she figured out his shit real quick but this time, maybe because Steve looked so innocent even though he was a bigger shit than Bucky was, she believed him.

“Wow.” Steve was still holding his husband in his arms as they surveyed the chaos.

“Yep.”

“Natasha?”

“Yup.”

“The look of relief on her face when she finally saw the real decorations was priceless though. And then the anger when she realized she’d been conned for so long.”

“And when she saw our ties.” Bucky still didn’t know where Steve had found blue silk ties with Oreos all over them, but he had the nagging suspicion that he had gotten them custom made just for their wedding.

Steve laughed. “Yeah. It was amazing, Baby. The whole thing was amazing.” Bucky nuzzled against his neck for a moment then sighed. It had been beautiful and though he’d never admit it to anyone, except maybe under pain of death or Natasha, he had cried like a baby when Steve had been reciting his vows to him.

“Yeah, it was wasn’t it?”

“I love you, baby.” Steve gave Bucky a gentle kiss then snorted when Bucky pulled away with a quiet murmur.

“You had me at Oreos.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm with Bucky in this one. Mega Stuf Oreos are the best. ~~And I'd also like to dig my teeth into Steve's ass.~~
> 
> Also kudos and comments give me life. Life, I tell you! Life! *maniacal laughter*slips into the shadows*comes back* I seriously love and appreciate them guys. <3 *slinks away.*


End file.
